Where does this idea start that we’re not good enough?
At whose knee do we learn all of those whispered words, the ones that plague us late at night, cowardly, calling to us through the dark?
How, even after we’re all grown, do we, adults of sound mind and beautiful body continue to believe them?
When things go bad (unless you’re aware and suitably prepared), this nastiness can fester in your mind. The malicious coo of an ego gone wild can fill your ears and when it comes to me doing battle with myself, I’m always shocked at the level my mean girl is willing to go.
And that’s the problem isn’t it. Nothing is ever off limits. Everything you could possibly ever have done wrong; every jerk you ever trusted, every cake that passed your lips, every missed opportunity, harsh word, stupid act are all precisely honed tools of torture.
Sharpened and ready to use on a vulnerable mind.
And instead of standing our ground; facing the encroaching darkness with a flood light and a hearty ‘back off bitch’, we run from our feelings, scared that they will cut us deeper than all the lies we tell our poor, brow-beaten souls. We are so determined to protect ourselves, that instead of just feeling all our pain and hurt and worry, instead of gently looking into ourselves and truly loving the human being that we are, we squash every last inch of difficult emotion into a tiny little box and bury it
within us, never to see the light of day.
And so, the lies of worthlessness or smallness or not-enough-ness are left to fester, seeping through the confines of that little box, perpetuating until their grip on us is so strong that we actually, really believe them;
manifest them into our reality;
until they become, us.
We stick our fingers in our ears, scrunch our eyes up so tightly, plaster a smile on our faces and hobble back off into the world.
And yet, those feelings that you buried just scratch at the corner of your mind. The gentle hum of your true self calls to you to just feel, to just learn this lesson already, to just love yourself enough, but you just stick your fingers further in your ears, scrunch your eyes up tighter, too scared to look deeper, and before you know it you’re sobbing over X Factor YouTube videos…or…so I’ve been told…
Vulnerability is hard.
Loving yourself is harder.
Here’s the thing though…feelings can never hurt you as much as the anticipation of their injury. Dealing with our crap, feeling every terribly sad, enraged, disappointed, joyous feeling only opens ourselves, teaches us those indelible life lessons, makes us…wholehearted.
Makes us better.
Feel it and then let it go. Once it has served you, learn the lesson, scrunch it up and fling it out into the Universe.
And never let those lies darken the edges of your mind again.
You are worthy.
You are enough.
You are love.