Mat

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This is the very first post I shot.

You may have seen this featured image knocking around the site in the very beginning, but I have never posted the whole shoot. I’ve dug it out of the archives because I believe this skirt is just way too pretty to keep in digital storage.

I hope you love it.


 

I started back at yoga today.

I’ve not sat down on my mat in a proper class since November last year.

My goodness. I had no idea that it had been that long.

When I walked into my class, unfurled my mat and sat down, I had to hold myself back from crying. A deep, joyous…sadness (oxymoron, I know) blossomed in my chest and I realised just how much I had been longing to return.

Besides the fact that I love how yoga makes me feel; the practice of stretching my body, following my breath and challenging myself to be and stay present, is something that is completely mine. I don’t share it with anybody – not my friends, not my family, not my husband. It, along with bubble baths and home cooked meals and time alone to read and write are my non-negotiables. All of which I have completely neglected over the last six months.

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It’s ridiculous to think you have to be in service to others at all times. In fact, the concept of putting yourself last, so sterotypically shackled to the ankles of women everywhere, is completely absurd. And yet I feel the constant pull to be everything to everyone. To give, give, give of myself and sacrifice the things that I know I need to be ok. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get so caught up in the…shame…of not being Wonder Woman.

Sometimes, I just really want people and all of their needs and problems to just bugger off. You know what I mean?

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As I lay folded over on the floor in pigeon pose (for those playing at home…it bloody hurts), it hit me that every time I skipped my run or gave up writing in my journal I was negotiating my non-negotiables. I was saying to myself, ‘those things you need to be you, don’t matter’.

Which is crap.

Because they do matter.

Because I matter.

To me.

To all those people I need to be something for.

When I got back to my desk, I scrawled over a post-it-note in big, pink letters ‘Show up for yourself’.

Because if I don’t, who will?

 

3 thoughts on “Mat

  1. <3 <3 amazing skirt, and perfect sentiments that I needed to hear right now. Since I've been back, I feel like I need to spend all my time cleaning my house or seeing people or making money. It was almost a blessing to wake up feeling a little cruddy this morning so I could say, "Ok, I'm gonna do a little work around the house and then feel not at all guilty about watching tv the rest of the day!"

    Reply

    • It’s crazy to think that we constantly have to be doing something (I’m exactly the same), and it’s only when we feel cruddy that we allow ourselves a free pass to just…be. Be gentle with yourself lovely Hannah. Take as many days as you need in front of the TV! You must have loads of American Horror Story to catch up on after all :)

      Reply

  2. that was a stunning post, I love the skirt and you look so beautiful and at peace in that field of lush grass. if the photos weren’t enough the word picture was exactly what I needed to hear, so thankyou. I realised I can’t even remember what my non-negotiable are it’s been so long. I will endeavour to seek them out and never loose them again. thankyou.

    Reply

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